A Fine Line

The kids in our class brought in over 500 pounds of food for a school food drive. That’s a lot of food, by the way. Picture an upright piano made of canned goods, shaped with bags of beans, rice and flour. My partner teacher and I thought it would be fun to throw out a 500-pound goal, thinking there was no way we could ever reach it. Not with 8 oz. cans of soup and such. After suggesting we would sponsor a Friday night party should the goal be met, things started happening. Every few days we would weigh the food that came in and add that weight to the original figure. As the days went on things looked good for us, we were in the 200s and felt quite sure Friday would remain “flop-on-the-couch” Friday, for us teachers anyway.

Then, the parents must have started plotting because for the next few days entire shrink wrapped cartons of canned goods, five pound bags of dried goods, Sam’s Club sized cans of stewed tomatoes and dusty back of cupboard items poured in like the endless buckets full of water carried and dumped in “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice“. Children were giving one another pep talks and pumping up the group to bring in more food. They attempted to arrange a 6pm meeting at Pick ‘n Save with parents who they would try to talk into buying just a few additional cans.

The last day of the drive finally came and our total was 490 pounds. That was a relief. No party, no twelve-hour day. We teachers were lucky and we knew it. Ironically, however, just before the last minute of the last day of the food drive a voice came through the old wooden speaker box announcing that the collection would be extended one more day, and that students had until Monday to bring in food and wasn‘t that great. My partner and I looked at one another and I mouthed,”Oh, crap.”

An assembly was held during which our students very proudly pushed in their new total, 509 pounds of food. We needed an additional cart for all of our donations. The class had done well, they knew it, and that was definitely a source of pride. They had worked together and accomplished a goal.

Well, we had the party last night and as the parents dropped the children off they thanked us for the gesture, for the excitement their children were feeling, and for the two free hours about to be enjoyed. Some of them expressed to us that we may have a few screws loose and joked that they would be back to pick their kids up the next morning. Funny.

We had a lot of fun in the end, did the limbo, had a bubble blowing contest, ice cream and dance party. One of the kids from the high school who shaved his head to collect money for the Cancer Society stopped by. He came in and spoke to the class before he had his head shaved, explaining to them how he was donating his hair for a cause, that it was something he could do to help if even just a little. Now he was back and had a head like a spiky mountain ridge, red and “tight” as one child who was “down with the language,” described. Spiky juggled for the kids and celebrated with us for a bit… a young group of children who contributed to their community being entertained by a wonderful young man who had done the same. Talk about a feel-good moment.

I was proud to have been this high school boy’s teacher many years ago, and proud to be the teacher of these little bubble gum snapping, limbo dancing, ice cream eating, goofy acting kids now.

Job well done, all of you.

I remember being told once that middle school students were given so many hours of homework because they were being groomed to attend schools like Harvard and Yale. Not that they would all go to them, but they would be prepared to if “Extreme Home Makeover” ever dropped by to raze their home and throw in an ivy league scholarship with the new double stove and bed made of pancake flippers.

While those old icons of scholarship, privilege and connection may motivate some educators to maintain a great lesson plan book, I’m starting to wonder if this is really what our broader society values. As I watch this lampoon of a campaign for nominee of the Democratic Party, I’m learning a lot about Americans in the “heartland”. I’m watching Hillary Clinton hide her Wellesley class ring so the beam from the Miller Lite sign doesn’t draw attention to it while she’s throwing down a beer and a shot. She’s with her people, now.

Barack Obama, on the other hand, insists on making grandiose speeches flowered with high and mighty multi-syllabic adjectives to intellectually motivate voters to sign on for the long term stay of change. He thinks he’s so smart…How can we possibly trust someone who clarifies the kind of lettuce he wants? What does someone who can’t even bowl a 50 know about running a country? He can’t know what we want him to do if he doesn’t know how to drink a shot off the stomach of a constituent. What’s he thinking?

I don’t know about you, but what I’m looking for in a president is someone who can hang with the people; someone who rolls the holes in his socks over the toes and keeps on going. I will cast my vote for someone who acts the way I did when I was 22- a real thinker.

If we really want to educate students so that someday they can be president of the United States, we need to drop the pretense and hit the brass tacks with themes of the common man. There are some things that presidential hopefuls need to know before landing behind the desk that anchors the oval office.

-Government surplus stores carry flag pins big enough to be picked up on digital, but small enough to make it clear that the wearing is obligatory. Pins must always be worn on the left lapel, right side up and in the face.

-When in public, especially with the real people such as non-college educated white males, express a desire to engage in real sports like football. If the sport doesn’t involve beer or mud, don’t even bother. No one’s buyin’ it.

-When you go to your assigned diner along the way, just order the special. Say, “Hey, what’s the special today?” Then eat it. All. If there is no special, look at the dish of some old codger sitting nearby and say, “I’ll have what he’s got. It looks great.” Then leave the old guy alone. He doesn’t want to talk to you.

-Don’t sip shots. It looks stupid.

-Don’t neatly roll up the sleeves on your white or light blue shirt when speaking to people who earn less than $40,000 a year. If you want credibility, wear an “I Closed Wolski’s” or “Wall Drug” t-shirt.

-Spill stuff on your tie or pants suit once in awhile if you want to look like one of us.

-Don’t quote the New York Times. Referencing Dale Earnhardt Jr. and the WWA will get you a lot more attention.

These are tips that ought to be part of every high school and college political science class syllabus. The most important thing for young politicians to know is that we don’t like snobs here in the U.S. of A. We’re not going to do what some book cracking, memory stick carrying, wine leg checking, snail dipping teacher’s pet tells us.

So teachers, be careful. Don’t make elitists out of your students. During their next debate about the death penalty, bring out a couple pies to throw. Show “The Beverly Hillbillies” at the graduation rehearsal and call everybody Jethro. As they cross the stage, give out the diplomas, shake their hands and make them drink a shot. Leave the ceremony knowing you’ve done your best to prepare them for the highest office in the land, giving the country exactly what it is crying for.

A people’s president.

May’s the month for me, May’s the month for me!

National Prayer and Eggs and Asthma, Sleep and Al-ler-gy

National Pet, yah you bet, I love May you see!

               DANCE AROUND THE KITCHEN

Barbecue and Fireworks, Arthritis, Salad, gee

Teacher, Goodwill, Bike, May’s the one I like

Photo, Baby, Car Keep-ing, there’s Speech and Strawber-ry

What a month, a busy month, May’s the month for me!

                          KEEP DANCING

Blood Pressure and Hearing, Phy.Ed., Sports and PTA

Celebrate with us, there’s room what they hey

Carpets and Cartoon Ap-pre-ci-a-tion have their day

Why is that? What’s for fat? Not the month of May!

                 GET UP, WE'RE ALMOST DONE

Family Week and Me-dic A-lert happen at this time

Freedom Shrine and more, couldn’t find a rhyme

If you’ve fungal in-fec-tion we’ll spot it on a dime

Cuz we’re aware that it’s there, isn’t May divine?

Dads get shafted. For the past few days in many classrooms around the country, children have been working on Mother’s Day presents. Kids are being prodded to think of all the wonderful things their mothers do for them besides “making food“. I think elementary teachers throughout the years have painted themselves in corners and are now the default gift and centerpiece providers for all American households. I would like to know where this started, but since that first turkey went home there has been year after year of stuffed paper, traced hand or paper bag versions of birds to plop on the Thanksgiving table. One holiday taken care of. Around winter break you’ll see classroom made art pieces going home to celebrate the birthday of winter apparently. Lots of snowmen, mittens and fir trees that with a few hands-full of tinsel would represent, well you know. Another holiday covered and we’re not even to the new year. We make sure that children have gifts for parents, holiday decorations for the house and whoever invented Grandparents’ Day got us to have children cheer up their one day as well. Check, check, check.

I’ve tried to stay out of the gift providing business, but the pressure is daunting. You see that everyone else has had their classes making stuff and you wonder if your children will be the only ones on the block who didn’t get to carry anything home made of bags, sticks, sticky tape and construction paper. You wonder if they are taking a hit to psyche, or at some point will come back with a handgun, point it at you and ask, “WHY DIDN'T WE EVER MAKE DANCING LEPRECHAUNS?”

I think holidays can be taken care of at home. Mother’s Day is a great chance for Dad to meet with the kids, talk about the virtues possessed by his wife, decide what she might like and lead the children to make or purchase it. Older children can be encouraged to write or make something at home in their rooms. If high school kids can rig up bombs without parents knowing it, I think they can sneak in art supplies, paper and writing implements.

If we’re not careful, December will be devoted to dads as we celebrate Half Father's Day. We’ll provide gifts, and do it the way we do for kids with summer birthdays. It would catch on eventually. No Father Left Behind. But in what other profession do bosses feel obligated to provide supplies, ideas and time for employees to make anniversary gifts, Valentine cards or dinner party place settings for their families? This is one of those areas, like pajama day, where it’s hard to think of teaching as a profession after spending couple weeks making paper mache horns of plenty filled with things kids think they should be thankful for.

I left this piece for a couple days and came back to bring it to an end. In that time, I started noticing all the things my daughter brought home from school for me. There is the coiled clay vase with her fingerprints all over it, the paper flowers, and the one I’ve had on my walls for years; the portrait of me with circle eyeballs sprouting lashes out of the top, the U mouth with horizontal lines ending each end, and the beautiful L nose with two dots inside. “I Love You” it read. That picture has pulled me out of many a dark day. I’ve reached the whole of my ambivalence. To the teacher who helped her make it, I’d like to say thank you and

Happy Mother’s Day.

It is a perfect irony that this year’s high school production is Beauty and the Beast. I saw a preview and it was spectacular. The sets, costumes, pit orchestra, lighting and everything else that contributed to this bit of magic were top notch. Seemed as though they did not cut corners on any part of it. There was an extended stage, excellent sound equipment and yards of gorgeous velvet red curtain. This school was able to provide everything the parents of these young, talented people could ever wish for.

As I was watching these beautiful kids performing a part of their lives they will never forget, I began to get angry. It was an extremely uncomfortable feeling to be watching the best after hearing the worst the day before. The day before I found out about some of the repercussions of this year’s budget. While the candlestick was talking and the teapot singing I was sitting there thinking about how we could possibly work things so we wouldn’t have to lose any staff members, or have to split specialists who find themselves alternating schools, work spaces and student bodies every other day.

As I saw this self-confident cast and crew doing what they love, I looked down the row at my students. There was one who goes to a reading assistant daily for much needed one on one instruction. There was another student who will no doubt qualify for special education next year. I wondered if all the work to diagnose him will be worth it if he only ends up in a program with staff stretched and conscientiously trying to provide what they could before budget cuts began.

The singing just flowed over the filled auditorium. I can only imagine the amount of rehearsal time it took. Many extra hours go into preparing for a production like this. Gallons of paint are purchased to be spread on sets long into the evening. The professionally made costumes must have racked up hours of precision work. I actually found myself distracted by thought, wondering how much extra pay the staff members got to work on this thing and trying to figure out if added up, it would maybe cover the cost of kindergarten aides or a full time reading specialist for the five kids I know will need one next year.

The beauty in experiencing our children performing Beauty and the Beast was somewhat offset by the beast of the upcoming budget. What do we cut? Do we cut teachers and leave those who remain with higher class sizes? Do we cut assistants we have depended on to provide the precious extra teaching time some children require to feel even part of the success the cast must have felt at performance end. Do we cut art, music, p.e. or do we spread them out so thinly that their curricula represents only a best case scenario version to which we can aspire, but they become the commandments known but not practical.

Teachers, parents and administrators love tradition if their schools have histories of excellence. Traditions feel safe and reliable. Cherished or habitually continued events like this cushion the falls that other changes create. Once there was a tradition of opportunity and budgets for all kinds of stuff: gifted and talented teachers with assistants, full time reading specialists in each building, full time art instruction, science lab teachers, and unlocked supply cabinets. None of this exists anymore. We need to look at the situation we really have, and not kid ourselves into assuming we can keep things the way they always were. We have to reevaluate and then adjust our goals accordingly. There will have to be fewer of them, that part is clear. While standards shouldn‘t be lowered, the number of things going on will have to.

I am impressed by the achievements of the students in this production. I know where they learned all of this. I know they got their start in the elementary schools, where music lessons are free of charge given by top rate teacher/musicians no matter the socio economic status of the families.

The complete feeling of joy and pride I feel as I watch these young people has been contaminated this year, sabotaged by this recurring metaphorical question; What will one child have to miss so that another can dance with a teapot?

I was talking with a former student the other day. He is now in middle school and has a list of complaints common to young teenagers. To many of them I responded, “Just man up and do it”, but after he left, I did a lot of thinking about one issue. He told me that if work was late, the grade on it would drop one level for every day. If he did A work, but handed it in three days late, the A work would become D work by virtue of its lateness only.

It seems to me these are two different issues. If the idea of homework is for students to get extra practice, does it matter if it is in on time? If it does, then have a separate marking column for “Gets work in on time” and give them an unsatisfactory grade. If the work is excellent, it is excellent. Seems old thinking to blend the two categories in retaliation. If a student does homework flawlessly, is there even reason for assigning it? If you know very well that certain students copy others’ homework consistently, does prompt return of assignments mean anything anyway? The whole issue of homework is frustrating for everyone involved. It is annoying for teachers when we make copies for students, hand them out, explain the process and find the next day seven kids didn’t do it. One lost it, one swears they never got it, one says he was too busy and the rest were helped by parents. None of these instances can be graded on non-sliding scales any more than middle and high school kids who just copy from one another can.

We have made deadlines the focus, instead of the supposed good to come from the homework experience. Clearly, parents have different attitudes about homework. In some families, it is the spoiler of every evening, every weekend trip, every family gathering, every dinner, anything hoped for between six and 10 pm. Other parents hold it sacred and believe that there is something intrinsically good about it, that it has power to instill understanding in a child where there wasn’t understanding a few hours ago in class. Some think that three hours of homework must be better than half an hour because more is better, right? Some parents think it’s stupid. I must admit there were many instances in my child’s past when I was one of those.

Some people like their children having homework to do because it ties them up long enough for dinner to be prepared, bills to be paid, email checked and so forth. I get that. For that kind of thing, however, there are plenty of books, websites and educational materials out there that parents can stockpile if they want.

There is nothing magical about a worksheet just because it comes from school. Some things just don’t change that much like counting money, measuring, odd/even, and basic skills. Working on things online has other benefits, too. Homework sheets generate a lot of paper.

My personal belief is that a survey should be done at the beginning of the year to see if parents even want homework for their child. It is clear from the return rate by some that it is just not a priority, and that’s fine. Families who have loaded schedules may choose their child not to have an additional daily obligation. Thanks for telling us! Then we won’t have to make copies, send it home, check it and keep track of whether it was returned or not. Families who want homework as a matter of course, check that box and we will send it home and follow through. Families who just want to do more project related or non-skill and drill type homework will be given those assignments as they come up throughout the year.

In elementary school, particularly in Early Childhood (K-3) I have not found it to be worth the hassle. It has never made the difference between getting and not getting it. I generally give it because we are expected to and we are told that parents like it. There are positives, of course. It does keep the parents informed as to how their children think, where the strengths and weaknesses are and more simple things like can s/he write numbers and letters correctly, use punctuation, etc. but if parents aren’t sitting with children while they do homework they don’t know the process used anyway. If they don’t look at the homework as it is being done, they won’t notice numbers are being made from the bottom or backwards. If they do notice it, they will help the child make corrections but until children absorb it developmentally and corrections are made because of new understandings, it’s just cosmetic.

It would be perhaps a better use of time for children to share in dinner preparation, cleaning, putting things away and taking some responsibilities around the house. Some children, when we give them classroom jobs, react as though they’ve never had to do chores or make decisions about how best to do them; and people taut the importance of real world education. Many, many kids don’t know how to wash, dry and put dishes away, clean up after themselves, fold things, tie a shoe, zip, button, wet a sponge and wipe a table. Amazing it is how many students tell us they have no chores to do at home. Ever. Let's put the home in homework, breathe a big sigh of relief, and start making family work charts for spring cleaning.

I can hear the children applauding already.